Friends

When I was a child I was very shy. I was an only child, quiet, a little chubby and my parents were divorced--back then no one's parents were divorced. I was different. As I grew up, I had only a few close friends. Very few people really understood me. I always thought it would be cool to be the member of a secret club where each member had a nickname. I thought about it a lot.

As I got older, I became more comfortable with who I was. I was still different than the crowd, not because I tried to be, but because I remained true to myself. I have strong since of justice and values--the very same ones I had when I was a kid. My mother often tells me I'm the same person I've always been. I'm glad.

I've always been self conscious and never had a lot of confidence. I'm better about this now. In fact, a few years ago I realized that all my life I was much more comfortable with myself than I realized I was, otherwise I would have tried harder to blend in. I certainly don't try now. I am who I am. I'm a good person. If it's not good enough for you, that's your problem.

In the last few years it's been easier making friends with e-groups and online forums. I think the computer was invented for people like me. People who are bad in social situations, but cherish friendships once they've made them. I'm a member of a once somewhat secret club--which is no longer a secret and has always been open to everyone. We all have nicknames too.

Tonight, one of those friends said the nicest thing to me about the group. Me. Sometimes I still feel like that shy, chubby child who no one really understood. I feel a little like Sally Field saying, "You like me. You really, really like me." I've known some of these people 5 or 6 years and I've met many of them in person including the person I'm speaking of, but I'm still surprised to hear that my friendship means just as much to them as theirs means to me.

I feel very blessed at this moment.