Thoughts on a tragedy
What a sad week this has been with the goings on at Virginia Tech. I feel so sorry for the families who have lost loved ones and friends and my prayers go out to them. A friend of mine pointed out this beautiful Blog Post from the fabulously talented Barbara Samuel today and it expressed exactly how I feel. Every word. I hope that one day I will be able to write something so perfect and heartfelt as Ms. Samuel.
Quote:
"In the darkness, there comes the challenge--not how do we change this, but what can I do? How do I serve now, and how do I prepare myself to be an elder, a wise one, when the time comes? Each of us has seasons to serve in particular capacities, and if we are willing, we can work toward that better vision. What if each individual human has enough to eat and a clean warm bed, and access to medical care? What if our highest goal was not to die the richest of them all but to serve the highest good, that of realizing the society we have it in us to create?
Because we do have it in us. I have it in me. You have it in you. The world resides within each of us." Barbara Samuel~ April 18, 2007 blog post
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Since everything that I'd like to say in this vein has already been said (and better than I could ever say it) I'll try another angle. I won't bring up gun control laws. I do think that it should be harder for criminals and mentally ill people to get them, natch.
After the shooting at Columbine High School, there were reports that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (the boys who committed the shooting spree) were bullied throughout their childhood by other kids because they didn't fit in. It bothered me very much at that time and it still bothers me now.
This afternoon I heard the same types of reports. Cho Seung-Hui had experienced an unusual amount of teasing and bigotry when we he was attending High school in Suburban Washington. He was quiet and people made fun of the way he spoke. One time the teacher asked students to read paragraphs and when it was his turn, he hung his head and wouldn't read. The teacher told him if he didn't read, he would get an "F" in class participation. So he read. The class erupted into laughter and all the students started chanting, "Go back to China!"
I don't know why I was so upset by this because I know bigotry exists--no matter who says it's no longer a problem--it's all around us. The thought of this shy and disturbed young man being unmercifully taunted made my heart clench. Does it excuse what he did? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But does is show a pattern in young men in our country? Possibly.
I was teased as a child. A lot. I was chubby, studious and had divorced parents. (No one did at that time.) I hadn't thought to lash out at others, I simply turned the pain inward and learned to hate myself more and more every day. I was lucky enough to have a mother and grandmother who loved me and I knew I was loved and was worthy of it. And I was a girl, raised by women in an all-female household. All my cousins but one were girls, my mom had only sisters and we all lived close to each other. Lashing out in violence would have been a completely foreign thing for someone like me to do--then and now.
But what if I was a boy? A boy who grew up in the last 10 or 20 years, surrounded by video games, violent movies, perhaps a child with a single mom with way too much time on his hands? What then?
I hate it when I bring up the idea that bullying contributes to awful things like the school shootings, people put it off as silly and childish. "All kids tease," said the DJ on the radio this afternoon. "You can't tell me you never teased anyone. Everyone does. You just don't remember doing it."
Well, mister DJ, I can tell you that I never-ever, without a doubt, ever teased anyone when I was a kid. I knew how much it hurt. To this day, I'd rather chop off my arm than hurt someone's feelings. Why? Because I know what it's like. It's terrible and no one should have to go through it day after day, week after week, school year after school year. No one.
And let me tell you something else. If you let your kids tease other children, I think it's one of the worst things you can allow them to do. Maybe you've never been teased and you don't know what it's like. Take it from me, it affects my whole life, colors everything I do and always will. Until we start teaching children to treat everyone--regardless of the way they look, speak, dress, their color, religion or sexual orientation--with respect, this kind of thing will not only keep happening, but it will escalate.
Quote:
"In the darkness, there comes the challenge--not how do we change this, but what can I do? How do I serve now, and how do I prepare myself to be an elder, a wise one, when the time comes? Each of us has seasons to serve in particular capacities, and if we are willing, we can work toward that better vision. What if each individual human has enough to eat and a clean warm bed, and access to medical care? What if our highest goal was not to die the richest of them all but to serve the highest good, that of realizing the society we have it in us to create?
Because we do have it in us. I have it in me. You have it in you. The world resides within each of us." Barbara Samuel~ April 18, 2007 blog post
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Since everything that I'd like to say in this vein has already been said (and better than I could ever say it) I'll try another angle. I won't bring up gun control laws. I do think that it should be harder for criminals and mentally ill people to get them, natch.
After the shooting at Columbine High School, there were reports that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (the boys who committed the shooting spree) were bullied throughout their childhood by other kids because they didn't fit in. It bothered me very much at that time and it still bothers me now.
This afternoon I heard the same types of reports. Cho Seung-Hui had experienced an unusual amount of teasing and bigotry when we he was attending High school in Suburban Washington. He was quiet and people made fun of the way he spoke. One time the teacher asked students to read paragraphs and when it was his turn, he hung his head and wouldn't read. The teacher told him if he didn't read, he would get an "F" in class participation. So he read. The class erupted into laughter and all the students started chanting, "Go back to China!"
I don't know why I was so upset by this because I know bigotry exists--no matter who says it's no longer a problem--it's all around us. The thought of this shy and disturbed young man being unmercifully taunted made my heart clench. Does it excuse what he did? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But does is show a pattern in young men in our country? Possibly.
I was teased as a child. A lot. I was chubby, studious and had divorced parents. (No one did at that time.) I hadn't thought to lash out at others, I simply turned the pain inward and learned to hate myself more and more every day. I was lucky enough to have a mother and grandmother who loved me and I knew I was loved and was worthy of it. And I was a girl, raised by women in an all-female household. All my cousins but one were girls, my mom had only sisters and we all lived close to each other. Lashing out in violence would have been a completely foreign thing for someone like me to do--then and now.
But what if I was a boy? A boy who grew up in the last 10 or 20 years, surrounded by video games, violent movies, perhaps a child with a single mom with way too much time on his hands? What then?
I hate it when I bring up the idea that bullying contributes to awful things like the school shootings, people put it off as silly and childish. "All kids tease," said the DJ on the radio this afternoon. "You can't tell me you never teased anyone. Everyone does. You just don't remember doing it."
Well, mister DJ, I can tell you that I never-ever, without a doubt, ever teased anyone when I was a kid. I knew how much it hurt. To this day, I'd rather chop off my arm than hurt someone's feelings. Why? Because I know what it's like. It's terrible and no one should have to go through it day after day, week after week, school year after school year. No one.
And let me tell you something else. If you let your kids tease other children, I think it's one of the worst things you can allow them to do. Maybe you've never been teased and you don't know what it's like. Take it from me, it affects my whole life, colors everything I do and always will. Until we start teaching children to treat everyone--regardless of the way they look, speak, dress, their color, religion or sexual orientation--with respect, this kind of thing will not only keep happening, but it will escalate.
posted by Cherry Red at 7:25 PM
10 Comments:
It bothered me very much at that time and it still bothers me now.
Yes. There is a significant percentage of people, everywhere in the world, who would describe their time in school as absolute hell, a hell created gleefully by others.
There is a lasting impact on the psyche of all such 'bullied' (as you would know, and so would I), which perhaps makes us a bit less 'surprised' than the others.
You're right Rick,
I guess I am less surprised than I should be. Nothing really surprises me any more. And still I grieve for everyone involved because it's just a horrible, horrible thing and no one deserved it. Not the poor taunted man/boy, not the innocent students & teachers, not the grieving families.
Thanks for stopping by,
Kim
I'm surprised that I'm not surprised, if that makes sense, to hear that he was the victim of bullying, of merciless teasing, in his youth. NO, it doesn't excuse it. But yes, we are seeing it far too often the last few years.
How many others have to repeat this before people stop screaming "gun control" and start SPEAKING NICELY to each other about teaching their children tolerance and acceptance?
Not to say that I don't think we should have strict laws in place for gun-buying. But realistically, if he wanted that gun, only a complete ban on guns would have prevented him from getting one legally. If he wanted it bad enough, nothing would have stopped him.
And thanks for your beautiful words in my comments. Yes, I believe we all are Virginians this week.
I absolutely agree with you. I thought much the same back in the Columbine shooting. Middle school was remarkably unpleasant for me as well, but being very introverted any thoughts of violence I had, I directed more to myself.
Nothing excuses such an act of violence as Columbine or the Virginia Tech shootings, but I agree that it would nice, for more people to stand up and recognize that years of abuse went into building some of these people turned into time bombs.
I haven't heard as much about the history of the shooter in this case (sorry, can't remember how to spell his name) but while I'm also for reasonable restrictions on firearms (and yes, waiting periods and background checks at least are reasonable) wouldn't it be great if more people also said how nice it would be if middle and high school was turned into something else instead of the self-esteem meat grinder it is today?
Insightful post, Kim. As you wrote, the bullying in no way excuses what was done, but it probably did play a role in the situations.
I don't ever remember being teased as a child...but, a couple of years ago at work one of my co-workers started bullying me to the point that another co-worker apologized to me for her behavior and basically said that she just let her have her way so she didn't have to deal with her!
I remember how much it startled me the day that I actually realized what this woman (a grown, mother-of-two!) was attempting to do to me with her psychological bullying.
As frustated, helpless and angry as this situation made me, at least I felt like I had some options. Push come to shove, I could have quit my job and never had to deal with the situation again. But for a child that's stuck in school with no way to get away from the bullying and possibly little help from the adults around them...it's got to be extremely difficult.
Hugs to you, Kim, for having to deal with this situation growing up.
Kristi
Dee,
I know I'm preaching to the choir when it comes to you and teaching children to be nice to everyone. You are a great mom and I wish your children went to school for the simple reason that I'm sure each and every one of them would stand up for the underdogs.
Thank YOU for your lovely post this week. I truly belive we are all Virginians this week because this awful tragedy could have happened anywhere and it's up to us to say it's not ok. We all need to do our part to make sure the chances of it happening again are as small as they can be.
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Grendel,
I'll just quote your words becuase they are profound:
"wouldn't it be great if more people also said how nice it would be if middle and high school was turned into something else instead of the self-esteem meat grinder it is today?"
Yes, indeed, that would be great. I actually experienced much of my teasing in Elementary school as well. Kids start young. And where do they learn this? Kids are not born with bigotry and hatred in their souls, it's learned over many, many years. I'm sorry you were teased in school too. A friend of mine was saying that writers live inside their heads and so it makes sense that you and I never lashed out in violence. Of course, it's not a wonderful thing that we turned our hatred inward either, but at least we only hurt ourselves. Only. Yeah.
Thanks for stopping by. Long time no see.
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Kristi,
Another new face. Wonderful. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. What an interesting topic, too. Being bullied as an adult. Still not easy, but yes, easier than being bullied as a child.
Then again, maybe that job was a really good job that you'd worked many years to get. Maybe while quitting was an option for you, it might not have been one for someone else. Bullies have no right to hurt others and it's too bad that no one at your job stood up for you. Someone should have. I would have. I bet that woman was a bully as a child. I can picture some of the "mean girls" right now, as they were all through school. To this day, a girl named Amy stands out in my mind. I don't know what I'd do if I ever saw her again, but I bet she still does the same thing now, even in her thirties.
DO you have a blog? I'd be interested in checking it out. Stop by again,
Kim
Have you read Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult? if not, you really should.
Mel
Hey Mel,
(Gypsymel, right?) Thanks for popping by. The author sounds very familiar, but I've never read her books. I'm thinking this is a YA book, right? Will check it out. Thanks for the tip.
Oh, and if you're another Mel, I'm stoll glad you stopped by. Either way, please come back. :)
Hugs,
Kim
Hey Kim yes its Gypsymel :) yeah I had only read one other of her books previously but this one is very relevant to what you are discussing, and it stuck with me for days after I had finished....
I'll check it out, Mel. Thank you! :)
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